I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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