she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
