When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
