we're blogging at a bar
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
