break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
