True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is Oprah even human
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
