there's paper in my vomit.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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