I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
