I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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