Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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