Soap is not a condiment
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
