I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
