youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
