We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize