Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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