Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
