We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
