woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
