i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
