Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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