I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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