Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize