Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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