he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
dude. I can hear the air.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize