If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
