I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
