Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize