Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize