so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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