I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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