id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
