so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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