I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
