Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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