Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
