when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
then he tried to convert me to islam
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
