I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
