Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize