I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
