You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
