i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
