But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
