i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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