i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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