Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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