whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
