like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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