Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
