The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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