Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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