If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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