Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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