It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
