i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
