Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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