We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
