When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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