she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
