Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
