I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
