i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
