worst night to have a conscience
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
