explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
