I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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