Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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