I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
