You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
