I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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