the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
