"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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