i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
