it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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